silent screaming

Current Mood: Angry

Okay so it’s about 18 minutesbefore class start and I have a 5+ish minute walk to the building so this is gonna be short. Anyway, I’m trying to come up with a sketch for this class and I just can’t sketch out my idea.. and I think my idea is gonna suck anyway since it’s not all complicated and shit. Well it IS complicated, it just doesn’t look like it. Maybe after I get the basic idea done I can make it complicated, hmm… We’ll see. omg that give me an idea.. maybe… I don’t know. I probably should have thought about this more over the weekend… I wonder if we can change our project ideas after today… cause a model is due, but I don’t know if I’ll stick with it. Ah well, time to go… I’ll blog again later! Well, sometime soon I hope, lol. Oh! I have just the thing to talk about. xD Saving it for later… sooner… whatever.

Current Mood: Angry & Flirtatious & Mischievous

I haven’t posted anything in almost a month! Ugh. I guess, so much as happened. Mostly bad stuff. Like, srsly. OMG!

Okay enough of that… Anyway, it’s not MOSTLY bad stuff, it’s just I’ve had a huuuuge revelation. I’m sooo glad I can count on my friends. I’ll just say that. Things have gone down recently that have just entirely reinforced this feeling of NO FUCKING REGRETS that I have. I mean, obviously by looking at my last few posts I was starting to have a few doubts, but now I know I was just really disillusioned. Uuuugh. I just keep thinking about how I almost fell for it too. It pisses me off so much.

I’m also glad I’m finally adult enough to handle it. I’ve been known to do some things in the past that I’m not so proud of now. Talk about regrets… Oh well, I can’t say I really regret any experiences I’ve had in my life, cause they’ve made me who I am. While sometimes I really HATE that, I don’t complain most of the time. I have awesome friends, make my own money, do what I want for the most part, and most importantly, I feel like I’ve had the chance to experience true happiness. The kind of happiness that comes from someone else’s happiness. I don’t know how to explain it. So yeah, if I died today, I won’t be dying feeling like I’ve been leading an unfurfilling life.

Hmm… feels ilke I went off on a tangent there. In any case, I think I’m gonna end it here. I’ve got stuff to do and people to love. And someone to SRSLY love (hee hee!).

Current Mood: Confused

To say I’ve been feeling strange lately is probably an understatement. I have an overwhelming urge to a really (I suppose) bad habit of mine, I feel like I’ve been unnecessarily cold to a good(?) friend (but I’m pretty sure he started it…), and I just can’t shake this feeling I have that something is just off. I’ve never had so many awkward silences in my life. I’ve never felt so… alone seem cliche, but I guess I’ll have to go with that. I’m usually really good at being by myself, but I guess I’m starting to realize that being by myself and being alone are two completely different things. Not that I didn’t know this before, but I just thought I’d be able to handle it better by doing the things I usually do alone. Well, it really isn’t working. I can’t concentrate on anything, except maybe for reading. The only thing I seem to have returned to recently is that I can pick up my Xbox controller without feeling like I’m going to burst into tears, which probably only because he’s back for a little while.

I just don’t know what I’m going to do with myself anymore. I feel like there’s too much uncertainty in my future now. At least I used to have plans, whether they were going to actually happen or not. I know what I want, but I also know that it’s just not going to happen.

Current Mood: Sad

Uuuuuuugh. I’ve been so lonely lately and it’s driving me crazy. I’ve been trying hard to keep myself myself busy, mostly reading and designing, or trying to anyway. I’ve got an idea for a full outfit, a couple of cute skirts, and of course, tons of ideas for hair. My only problem is that I lack the will to do anything. *sighs* I feel so stupid. Cause I know all this is just because he left, and I shouldn’t feel so… dependant. I shouldn’t. I really shouldn’t. And yet I do. I thought it would be okay. I really thought I could do this. I guess things just took an unexpected turn. Though I’m not really sure if it was for the better or for the worst.

God, I feel like such a creeper.

I know saying it won’t help anything, but please, come back.