silent screaming

64 words

Speed test

My friend made me take this… so… yeah. here it is.

I’m awake and it’s sooooo early, omg. Okay, 9:37 is not “so early” for most people, but when I actually WANT to wake up at around 9 and 10AM, I just can’t do it. I always wake up around 11. I don’t even have school today!! I do, however, have homework… so I guess I’m gonna be working on that. In the meantime, Left 4 Dead 2 is AWESOME and I really want Bayonetta. Now. I’ve also rediscovered my DS. <3

I spent over five years of my life expressing exactly how I feel, most of the time the feeling was mutual. Most of the time I was able to tell someone “I love you.” It was empty in the beginning and empty at the end, but at least I could say it and maybe hear it back.  Now I don’t even have that. Now if I say anything.. I will never get a reply. Never. And even if I did, it wouldn’t be the one I want.

Last night #youknowyouinlove was trending on twitter and it totally made me cry lol. I was guilty of most of them. That’s a good thing though, cause there’s no better feeling than being in love. <3

Current Mood: Sad

He left today. I’m trying really hard not to cry. I’m happy for him, but sad for me. Selfish… so I’m trying to be more happy than sad.

Class got canceled, but too late for me to enjoy the time by just snuggling up in my bed.

I hope it’s not as bad as I think it’ll be, but I’m not so sure cause I really think I fucked things up over the past week.

What will I do now? Probably make shoes. Wait for Bayonetta. Wait for more Vegas. Go to class (yuck).

That’s all for now. Don’t really know what to say.

Current Mood: Esctatic

Okay, so yesterday, the 29th, was my birthday. It was awwwwwwwwwwwwesoooooooooooome! I have a birthday dinner the night before since my family insists on eating out on Wednesdays and Fridays… and I didn’t want to go out to eat on my real birthday cause.. honestly, I hate eating out with my fam. Anyway, so yeah. I celebrated with my family then and opened some presents. I got a qt phone strap, and beeeeeeeeeautiful jewelry box which was filled with coins, and a Kindle (another cause I broke mine)! We ate at FlatTop, my favorite restuarant in all of Indiana (that I’ve been to so far).

The BEST part is the part I’d been looking forward to for about what… 2 weeks? I got to open Steban’s presents! I promised I wouldn’t open them ’til my birthday, so once 12AM rolled around I got right to it. They were a super qt Hello Kitty plushie and an awesome, awesome, awesome The Office mug. It’s so exciting to get presents from him, mostly just cause they’re from him. He makes me sooooooo happy. <3

Anyway, a little while after I opened those my dad sent me a text telling me I could open the huuuuuuuuuuuge box that came here a couple days earlier. It was ALSO and awesome gift; the Wacom Cintiq 21UX. I was supposed to get it last year, but things went down and that didn’t happen. It’s so, so, so awesome. I took it out of the box, but I haven’t gotten a chance to use it yet since I’ve been working on an art project and I had a final to take. x.x On my birthday, too… that sucked.

Well, the sad thing now is that I have nothing to look forward to now. =/ I suppose Christmas, and Vegas next year will be awesome, but that’s soooo far. I have all this school crap to do.. ugh. =/ Ah, well.

Current Mood: Esctatic & Happy

Okay okay okay. So I was creeping around last.fm and I saw someone has this cool thing in their sidebar that shows all these important “last.fm milestones” and i’m like OMG YES! Cause I’m soooooooo inconsistent with manually keeping track of mine. So now I’m so totally happy cause I can view what songs were playing at like any interval of time I want. Awesome! Well, here’s my list so far, starting at 1 and going through every 1,000th song. It’s like seeing a map of my life (part of it anyway) since 2005. Maybe I’ll keep a page for this, cause.. last.fm is awesome and I love it lol. It takes up so much of my life.

This shows the first 10.. more under the cut! Oh, btw here’s the link if you use last.fm and want one of these cool lists: http://kastuvas.us.to/lastfm/.

Current Mood: Angry

Okay so it’s about 18 minutesbefore class start and I have a 5+ish minute walk to the building so this is gonna be short. Anyway, I’m trying to come up with a sketch for this class and I just can’t sketch out my idea.. and I think my idea is gonna suck anyway since it’s not all complicated and shit. Well it IS complicated, it just doesn’t look like it. Maybe after I get the basic idea done I can make it complicated, hmm… We’ll see. omg that give me an idea.. maybe… I don’t know. I probably should have thought about this more over the weekend… I wonder if we can change our project ideas after today… cause a model is due, but I don’t know if I’ll stick with it. Ah well, time to go… I’ll blog again later! Well, sometime soon I hope, lol. Oh! I have just the thing to talk about. xD Saving it for later… sooner… whatever.

Current Mood: Bored & Confused & Happy

Yes, I’m horrible and lazy and it’s been months. Not that I haven’t had anything to say, but I’ve just been busy getting back on track with a lot of things. I’m working again, I’m back in school, and I’m trying to still have fun in the middle of all of it. I suppose it would have been awesome to blog about our summer trip to Vegas buuuuuut… oh well! Maybe I’ll talk about it if I feel like it.

Anyway, I’m spam this song right now on my Zune, and I’m working with two other blogs, so I figured why not do a Song of The Day. Well, here it is. Shiny Toy Guns – Don’t Cry Out (look under the cut!) (continue reading…)

Current Mood: Angry & Flirtatious & Mischievous

I haven’t posted anything in almost a month! Ugh. I guess, so much as happened. Mostly bad stuff. Like, srsly. OMG!

Okay enough of that… Anyway, it’s not MOSTLY bad stuff, it’s just I’ve had a huuuuge revelation. I’m sooo glad I can count on my friends. I’ll just say that. Things have gone down recently that have just entirely reinforced this feeling of NO FUCKING REGRETS that I have. I mean, obviously by looking at my last few posts I was starting to have a few doubts, but now I know I was just really disillusioned. Uuuugh. I just keep thinking about how I almost fell for it too. It pisses me off so much.

I’m also glad I’m finally adult enough to handle it. I’ve been known to do some things in the past that I’m not so proud of now. Talk about regrets… Oh well, I can’t say I really regret any experiences I’ve had in my life, cause they’ve made me who I am. While sometimes I really HATE that, I don’t complain most of the time. I have awesome friends, make my own money, do what I want for the most part, and most importantly, I feel like I’ve had the chance to experience true happiness. The kind of happiness that comes from someone else’s happiness. I don’t know how to explain it. So yeah, if I died today, I won’t be dying feeling like I’ve been leading an unfurfilling life.

Hmm… feels ilke I went off on a tangent there. In any case, I think I’m gonna end it here. I’ve got stuff to do and people to love. And someone to SRSLY love (hee hee!).